


Away From Keyboard

by a_stands_for, kobacake



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Epistolary, Homestuck Shipping Olympics, M/M, Pesterlog, feeeeeeels, incestuous thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-19
Updated: 2012-08-19
Packaged: 2017-11-12 12:08:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/490819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_stands_for/pseuds/a_stands_for, https://archiveofourown.org/users/kobacake/pseuds/kobacake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the Homestuck Shipping Olympics 2012 (Team Dave<3John)</p>
<p>John and Dave have no way to speak to each other during their 3-year journey. That doesn't stop them from doing an awful lot of talking, though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Away From Keyboard

**Author's Note:**

> Story concept and art by [Kobacake](http://kobakoba.tumblr.com/), written by [A_Stands_For](http://a-stands-for.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Originally posted [here](http://hso2012-r3s3.dreamwidth.org/1870.html).
> 
> (Today the A stands for Absence)
> 
>  

TG: i suppose theres no point to this really  
TG: pestering you when youre not even in the same reality  
TG: or wherever the fuck you are  
TG: traveling with jade and all our planets in tow  
TG: i just  
TG: three years is a long time to be without my best bud  
TG: and i dont want to  
TG: well id never forget you but  
TG: i dont like to think that well meet up again and feel  
TG: distant  
TG: so i guess ill just keep up the rhythm even in your absence  
TG: you know  
TG: like i already do anytime youre afk  
TG: so here i go  
TG: prattling away for my own benefit i guess  
TG: pretending im keeping you up to speed on all the crazy shit going down over here

Away From Keyboard  
Team Dave<3John

TG: no fuck you this isnt a diary

  


_[Dave is sprawled across a sofa with his iphone, John across Dave's old bed with the Cosbytop. They both look rather sad.]_

EB: hey dave, you know what happens if i use my wind powers on your planet?  
EB: lava-tornadoes.  
EB: they are just as epic as they sound! shame you didn't get to see them when i was defending the scratch machine. i guess you were too busy not blowing up the green sun, though.  
EB: ooh, burn! lava-tornado burn!  
EB: ha ha, i bet you're wondering why i'm writing you even though you can't get these messages.  
EB: the answer is:  
EB: dave sprite gets his feathers in a bunch when i tell him jokes like that!  
EB: he says he had nothing to do with the green sun mission and if i get you two confused one more time hes gonna shit eggs on my head!  
EB: okay, he didn't say that last part, i did. but you get the idea!  
EB: so i thought it would be best for all if i say the things i'm itching to tell you as if you're really here. that way i won't get you and dave sprite mixed up in my head.  
EB: because i bet you have about as much tolerance for bird jokes as he does for lame loser lost mission jokes! which is none.  
EB: and also, i guess, because i miss you. 

TG: egbert  
TG: its crazy out here  
TG: i mean im sure youve got your own brand of crazy going down on the spacewitch express  
TG: no one to hang out with but gators and turtles and whatnot  
TG: but here on the ss dreambubble explorer its all ghosts all the time with nary a venkman in sight  
TG: i see dead people  
TG: you know all those alternate versions of me that got offed?  
TG: yup  
TG: theyre here  
TG: not to mention trolls  
TG: so many trolls  
TG: trolls i remember talking with  
TG: trolls that i never met  
TG: and lets not forget the fact that were basically traveling through a sea of tentacled horrors  
TG: there is enough nightmare fuel here to keep me supplied for the rest of my life  
TG: so yeah  
TG: thats my life now  
TG: its not all bad i suppose  
TG: i get to chill with terezi all the time  
TG: and this little dersite dude called the mayor  
TG: hes cool  
TG: i like to call him my best bro cause it pisses karkat off  
TG: not that thats hard  
TG: not that it ever gets any less fun  
TG: heh  
TG: dont worry though  
TG: youre still my real best bro  
TG: always 

EB: well, i think i have officially explored every corner of every planet at my disposal.  
EB: eeeeeeeevery corner. jade helpfully points out any nooks and crannies i may have missed whenever my thoughts turn to pranking...  
EB: i am dangerously close to getting bored.  
EB: don't get me wrong! i love flying. it is the best thing ever! as soon as we meet up again i am definitely taking you for the ride of your life!  
EB: wait, that came out wrong.  
EB: shut up, i can hear you smirking.  
EB: anyway, the problem is that i have no one to fly with!  
EB: well, no, that's not true, i have lots of people to fly with. but they can all fly on their own! the sprites are immune to gravity or something, and jade can fly by using her game powers just like i do (or... maybe it's from beq?) anyway, it's just not the same. she doesn't feel the rush of the wind, or the way your stomach leaps into your throat when you plummet toward the ground! she thinks about where she wants to go and delivers herself there, be it instantly or through the actual space. no fun at all.  
EB: of course, there are still a few chess people and loads of consorts here, but every time i try to take one of them flying they just cry in terror and it makes me feel bad.  
EB: there was one, though! that day when we played the game, i went for an airborne joyride in my dad's car with one of the chess guys! man, there was a dude who knew how to have fun! even if it mostly just involved making lots of noise with the horn.  
EB: man, i miss him. he was my friend! i sent him with liv tyler to deliver the tumor to you, did you meet him? is he with you? i sure hope he's still alive!  
EB: ...but i guess he couldn't be. if he went with you he would have died in the green sun explosion.  
EB: and if he stayed on derse then he would have been erased by the scratch.  
EB: siiiiiiiigh.  
EB: that reminds me, how's vriska? do you two get along? i hope her silly rivalry thing isn't standing in the way! she is competitive like whoa. actually, she is all kinds of messed up. at least rose is there, maybe she can help her out with her therapist ways?  
EB: so many missing friends. not least of all, you.  
EB: aw man, now i'm all depressed. i guess i'll go out flying for a while. I'm going to pretend you're with me, though.  
EB: ...  
EB: Crying with terror!  
EB: jk  
EB: lets go catch some sweet air together 

TG: i saw you just now  
TG: it was only for a second since you promptly went and got yourself stabbed by the fish girl  
TG: the other fish girl i mean  
TG: think you gotta play the hero and save the hot chick dont you  
TG: wait fuck  
TG: i mean  
TG: save the girl  
TG: the girl who i do not find attractive in any way  
TG: and who i am most definitely not related to  
TG: wow this conversation divebombed fast  
TG: thank god youre not actually reading this  
TG: you are so lucky man you dont even know  
TG: safely over there with nothing but your old nanna and a sister youre not attracted to for company  
TG: i mean i assume youre not attracted to her  
TG: thats a safe assumption to make right  
TG: you may safely assume the same for me  
TG: there are definitely no thoughts over here about whether lalonde is getting up to anything with her lesbian trollpire girlfriend  
TG: fuck this is going all wrong  
TG: its these trolls man  
TG: their obsession with romance is like a choking fog of hormones that they exude from their thick gray pelts like musk  
TG: its all they ever talk about  
TG: just earlier today karkat was trying to shove troll porn down my throat, babbling about quadrants and trying to weasel his way into whatever it is he thinks ive got going with terezi  
TG: now i bet hes going to be all up in my grill for a hatemance  
TG: and kanaya is eyeballing me for that other troll relationship, the one dedicated to keeping people out of hatemances  
TG: the therapist quadrant  
TG: sorry lady, i get enough of that from my sister  
TG: come back when the two of you are interested in a therapy threesome  
TG: oh god please let me strike that from the record  
TG: can we just change the subject entirely  
TG: the meteor is in the middle of a huge dreambubble right now  
TG: were all standing around waiting for the other spider girl to get back with some mystery guest  
TG: the girl you saved who is not hot and not my mother is floating in the corner and giggling in her sleep  
TG: holy shit the other fish girl is annoying  
TG: i kind of wish you would come back and royally prank her royal ass  
TG: try not to get stabbed this time okay  
TG: dude i am seriously pissed about that come to think of it  
TG: you were right here  
TG: we were so close to finally meeting  
TG: ive got a fistbunp with your name on it growing stale over here  
TG: and maybe a warm embrace that youll think went on for a little too long  
TG: fuck  
TG: fuck its really hitting me now  
TG: a year of searching for you in every bubble and just when i finally find you  
TG: that punkass cocky sonofabitch ruins it  
TG: damn it  
TG: DAMN IT!!!  
TG: excuse me I need to go kick some ass 

EB: dave, i am so frustrated.  
EB: i thought it would be a great idea to set up this ghostbusters 2 mmorpg to help pass the time.  
EB: and even though the game is kind of bad, to be honest, and the consorts aren't very good at playing, it was still a friendly distraction!  
EB: but now it's gone all wrong. somehow everyone has started using it as a relationship service!  
EB: consorts are looking for mates using their character descriptions, they go on dates by ghostbusting together, then they meet up in real life and get married!  
EB: or whatever consorts do.  
EB: the purpose of the game has been sacrificed, dersites and prospitians are living together, mass hysteria!  
EB: (okay it's not that bad, you know i just wanted to make use of that quote!)  
EB: i mean, i guess it's nice and all that all these people are happy now, but why does everything always have to be about romance?  
EB: i just wanted us all to play together.  
EB: even jade and dave are using the in-game chat to have secret conversations.  
EB: the other dave, i mean, dave sprite.  
EB: oh yeah, i hope you weren't hoping to get together with jade. i guess that was a shitty way to to break it to you if you were.  
EB: those two think nobody knows, but it's really obvious they've got a thing for each other.  
EB: the dog-tier and the bird-boy.  
EB: oh, damn! i should have used that for the quote instead! dogs and birds living together, mass hysteria!  
EB: so anyway.  
EB: romance. bluh.  
EB: why does everyone act like it's the most important thing ever?  
EB: they're all like, well of course we're thinking about it, John! It's a natural part of growing up!  
EB: and i'm like, why do you have to be in such a hurry? can't we just be kids a little longer? Things were great the way they were!  
EB: but everyone just nods in sympathy and then goes right back to flirting with each other.  
EB: it's not fair.  
EB: when everyone's paired up, where will that leave me?  
EB: all alone in a world of a million happy couples, that's where.  
EB: siiign.  
EB: i wish you were here.  
EB: maybe we can be alone together.  
EB: unless  
EB: you  
EB: paired up with someone?  
EB: oh god.  
EB: of course you would have, what am i thinking?  
EB: you're surrounded by trolls, they live for that stuff. literally! they used to get executed if they didn't!  
EB: they're not even pairing off, they're... quadrupling off.  
EB: it's terezi, isn't it? or karkat. or both. a honey on each arm, that would be just like you.  
EB: you are probably as opposite from alone as can be.  
EB: fuck, now i feel even worse.  
EB: actually i feel kind of sick.  
EB: i really  
EB: don't feel so good.  
EB: i think i'm going to go lie down. 

TG: father its been months since my last confession  
TG: how appropriate then that the topic should be about fathers  
TG: do you ever think about it egbert  
TG: if your dad is still alive in this new reality were heading for  
TG: we arent going there to meet our alternate selves  
TG: were going there to meet our guardians  
TG: your nanna is the kid playing the game this time not you  
TG: and instead of me  
TG: the chosen one is bro  
TG: ive seen him  
TG: he came to the dream bubble that day to collect my mom  
TG: i just  
TG: i dont know how to feel  
TG: on the one hand hes alive  
TG: you know exactly how much it hurt to see his body  
TG: thats an experience we all share  
TG: but i wonder if you can possibly understand what goes through my head when i think about meeting him again  
TG: remember how you were disappointed when you found out your dad was just an ordinary dude  
TG: thats how i always fear my bro feels about me  
TG: hes brilliant egbert you have no idea  
TG: he would have been happier with rose  
TG: she got his smarts  
TG: i got nothing  
TG: he trained me harder than is probably right or legal  
TG: yet i came nowhere close to his abilities  
TG: he never said i had to either  
TG: he never said i could or couldnt  
TG: but i wanted to  
TG: bro was my golden standard  
TG: even if he was as weird as they come  
TG: ive been an ass to everyone ever since that day he appeared in the dreambubble  
TG: moody  
TG: depressed  
TG: all because i cant shake that impression i got in my head  
TG: that i saw him  
TG: and he saw us  
TG: the collective us  
TG: the group unit of us as a whole  
TG: but he didnt  
TG: see  
TG: me  
TG: man i haven't even told rose that and shes been trying to pry it out of me for months  
TG: without that connection of raising me  
TG: am i even worth bros interest?  
TG: once were all together  
TG: all eight of us  
TG: and we have two guys wearing shades in the group  
TG: but one of them is way smarter  
TG: way cooler  
TG: way better at rapping and fighting and irony  
TG: will i be worth anyones interest?  
TG: will i still be worth  
TG: yours? 

EB: oh wow, it's been a really long time since i last wrote anything here. i didn't even write to you about my birthday.  
EB: can you believe there's less than a year left until we meet? we're getting so close.  
EB: close enough that i finally saw you, dave.  
EB: to be honest i'd kind of given up on it by now. but there i was, floating above a crowd of humans and trolls having some kind of strategy meeting? there was this weird troll girl who attacked me once, and a bunch of kids that must have been the new players. lets face it, those anime shades that you used to wear are pretty noticeable! (and by noticeable i mean laughably stupid.)  
EB: but dave  
EB: somehow it never occurred to me that meeting you in three years meant you would be three years older.  
EB: dave sprite doesn't look like he's aged a day, and i guess unconsciously i assumed the two of you would still be identical.  
EB: sans the feathers and orange glow, obviously!  
EB: but you look so different.  
EB: i don't know how to describe it.  
EB: obviously you look older, i'll spare you the need to role your eyes at that one.  
EB: you look  
EB: good?  
EB: kinda rugged.  
EB: manly, i guess, but not in a body-builder sort of way.  
EB: photogenic. like a movie star!  
EB: yeah, that seems like a safe description.  
EB: accurate description, i mean.  
EB: anyway, i guess i gawked for a little too long, because i woke up before i had a chance to join the group.  
EB: boy, was jade pissed when she found out i actually managed to pop in on such an important looking meeting and then couldn't tell her a single thing that was said!  
EB: i'm sure there was talking going on, i remember hearing it. i was just too distracted to listen.  
EB: you are the distraction, dave, it's you.  
EB: …  
EB: fuck, that wasn't funny at all. it was supposed to be funny!  
EB: not... whatever it was.  
EB: god, why is it so hot in here? i'm in my bedroom, not yours!  
EB: i mean  
EB: cause, you know, your planet is so hot.  
EB: i mean warm.  
EB: also i don't hang out in your bedroom.  
EB: or not that often, at least.  
EB: depending on your definition of often.  
EB: fingers! stop typing!!  
EB: fuuuuck, what are you doing to me, dave??!! 

Messages sent

TG: no  
TG: no no nononono  
TG: egbert whatever you do don't read any of that 

EB: what?! jade said the spotty connections wouldn't start for another month! i was going to delete those!  
EB: eventually!

TG: …

EB: … 

* * *

Two young men stand face-to-face after unknowingly pouring their hearts out to each other for three years. Though they have known each other for even longer, it is only now that they meet for the first time.

What will they do?

_[John and Dave rush in for an enthusiastic embrace, their noses almost touching, their smiles infectious.]_

(P.S. It does indeed go on for too long, but neither of them care.) 


End file.
